Have a little faith. That’s how the saying goes right? Not sure I believe that anymore. It’s so hard to wrap my brain around something I can’t see, or touch, or feel. Maybe that’s why I am the way I am when it comes to “grey areas”. They don’t really exist in my world. With me it’s always been things are or they aren’t. Very rarely is there an in between. I don’t like to say maybe and it’s difficult at times for me to hear it. I’ve always been a self initiator so the concept of leaving something in someone else’s hands drives me bananas. But that’s a whole other issue entirely. Today was difficult to say the least. So many times I wanted to pick up the phone and tell him about what was going on, or tell him the silly things I was thinking about, or ask him about his day, or tell him how I almost collided with someone twice coming out of the cafeteria. But I didn’t because I’m trying to give him the time and space he asked for. I feel empty inside. That’s the best way I can think of to describe it. You don’t realize how immersed someone is in your world until they’re not there anymore. The hardest part of all of this is I have so many unanswered questions that are just eating away at me. Every time I feel my thoughts starting to slip back to that dark place I have to force myself to think about something else. Anything to keep myself from being the person I don’t want to be anymore. I’m determined to be better, no matter what. I just want things to be back to the way they were. Back to when things made sense and everything wasn’t upside down. That’s enough for tonight I guess. Good night and I miss you.